Friday, March 26, 2010

Risk Management

Risk Management: I've sort of made a career out of "risk management" in dating. The good and bad of this: there is no risk. When I was younger and reckless, I made some poor decisions. I don't regret them, they were what was meant for the time. But they were poor in the hindsight. I wagered a high bet and I lost a lot. To combat this, I sadly drifted towards the opposite end of the spectrum. I instead chose those where there was very little risk. Of course, you can only do this for so long before your soul revolts against you and screams "Enough!".

Man vs. Boy: Man, noun, an adult male person, as distinguished from a boy and woman. A male lover or sweetheart. A husband. Boy, noun, a male child. A young man who lacks maturity and judgment. I think this in general sums up things quite nicely.

In recent years, I've chosen boys for boyfriends. I've discovered that this was made out of a safety decision. If risk is low, chances of loss are low. The fault is my own. I can no more fault them for being boys than I can fault a blade of grass for being green. I can fault things they did in their imaturity, but ultimately I need to look no further than myself. At this juncture in time, this no longer is going to cut it. Thank God. One of the side effects of the boy-be-gone-dating would be the lack of growth in your own soul. You are stunted. The heart is revolting and holding the mind hostage until compliance has been made. It's about darn time I feel like the woman in a relationship. I long to be girly, be courted, go on dates and not plan or pay, be surprised and not take care of everything. To release. This also makes me nervous I think. I'm not sure or at least not confident in doing so. I find myself questioning myself or personality when challenged with an equal or with a more dominant personality. I have my moments and then clench because it is naturally uncertain. But it's lovely moment. I'm hoping that my recent efforts towards this endeavor will further develop and expand into good things.

Finding Your "Fit": I got into a conversation today with a good friend about being someone's "fit". I am of the belief that each person has a match. One person out there that fits them. I am also of the belief that in living in the grey zone of dating someone who is not your fit soley out of immediate comfort or fear is a disservice to each other and an injustice. By being with someone who is not your fit because it's easy or you're comfortable and complacent, while you are potentially helping each other develop, there also comes a point where your are throwing the world off kilter. This is bad. In the beauty of hindsight often comes the comment "I knew it wouldn't last" or "I know we would eventually break up", etc etc. What is the point of this?! You know! If you know, then why? I understand that to some extent dating has a point and helps you expand and develope and grow, etc. But I think there is always this point where you know. That's the soul saying "hold up!". I've ignored it. You've ignored it. We've all ignored it. But I sincerely recommend we all start tuning into this voice. It knows.

"I'm looking forward to seeing if we are MFEO." - Sleepless In Seattle

No comments:

Post a Comment