Today in my friday oblivion I came across the most beautifully inappropriate, yet true definition of Portland on urbandictionary.com. I could not help but post. Enjoy!
Largest city in Oregon and the only fun place in Oregon as well, except mt hood and bend. We are all members of blazermania, but hate the team when they suck. Brandon Roy is basically god to portlanders. We hate seattle and everything to do with it. Blacks have north portland, white trash has gresham, rich whites have the west hills and lake oswego, middle class whites have Beaverton, asians have bethany amd rock creek, and the mexicans have hillsboro, it's pretty simple. We don't have sales tax and we'll do just about anything to keep it that way, even if it means taking money from the schools. We all love nature and the outdoors, most portlanders go to the beach or the mountain on weekends. 23rd is our 5th avenue. We also have burgerville, probably the best fast food restaurant ever. Portlanders are extremely proud of the city, it's pretty much the best place to live.
Key terms if your a tourist:
Freddies= Fred Meyer, we buy pretty much everythig from there
Civil war= football game that's basically bigger than the superbowl. U of O vs OSU
MAX= lightrail train, NEVER ride it in Gresham, you will be raped
Terrwilleger curves= at 6 in the morning and 6 at night, pretty much hell on earth
Hillsburrito= How portland solved illegal aliens, we gave the mexicans their own city to fuck around in.
Democrat= we all are, don't bother asking
Sunriver, cannon beach, and bend= our heavens on earth
1977= the year the blazers won the NBA championship, everyone knows this
Requirements in portland:
At least one article of clothing must be Nike. Adidas is not ok, reebok is non existant
Support the local breweries and coffeeshops. Although there are 40 starbucks within a mile where ever you are
Never carry an umbrella, true portlanders love the rain
Never go into voodoo doughnuts and complain about having bacon on your doughnut, that's just the way it is
If you go to the rose gardens, you are automatically labeled a tourist
Drive fast, only asians are allowed to go 55 on the highway, otherwise 70-80 is the real speed limit
NEVER HAVE AN U OF O AND OSU BUMPER STICKER ON THE SAME CAR!!!! Your car will be burned and thrown in the river
Know how to pronounce willamette and couch correctly, if mispronunced you will be thrown into the river